How is everyone else out there in wordpress land?

I was thinking of doing weight loss video diaries on youtube. What do you think?

Since the last post we welcomed a beautiful baby girl into our family. She joins her 2 sisters Angel (14) and Ava (6) Her name is Autumn and she was born August 18th. We just love her to pieces!

My weight is still out of control! But I have decided to jump on the wagon again for the hundredth time and hopefully the last. It’s been a rocky up and down start over the last couple of weeks but I seem to be stabilizing finally.

I got a job. Not the best job, but it’s a paycheck.

I guesstimate us to be between 6 and 8 weeks pregnant. Which means we will have a summer baby! YAY Our girls will be SO excited when we tell them.

I am so very nauseous all the time. Maybe in this process I can get healthier for both the baby and I. I will sure try.

[ik-strin-sik, -zik]

A lot has happened since I posted last. 

1)  I have gained all of my weight back

2) I had a minor nervous breakdown that landed me in an outpatient psychiatric program.  (They basically  had to teach me how to like myself)

3) I lost my job.  Both of them.

I feel like most of what validated me before has changed.  I was recently (October 2nd) layed off.  My company reduced their force by 8000 and I was one of the lucky losers in the lottery.  I was working on my tenth year.   I am having trouble finding work making anything close to what I was.  Mainly because I do not have a college degree.  This definitely has a negative effect on my mental state.  I am feeling pretty worthless.  I am beating myself up again and stressing about the little things like the Mortgage!    When I had my job I felt like I contributed.  Like I was essential.  Now I’m feeling at loose ends.  Lets be honest here.  I am feeling like a failure.  Like I can’t provide for my family, and I wont even get into my appearance!  How do you stay at home moms and wives stay motivated??  I have trouble pulling myself out of bed these days! 

Enough whining for tonight.  I couldn’t sleep and decided once again that I need to get my weight and life under control.  Dont you just love those middle of the night epiphanies??  I promise tomorrow I wont be so winded and I will be more sunshiney.

I was thinking about what goals to set for myself this week.  This is what I came up with:

1)  Plan my menu for the remainder of the week

2) Journal EVERY day

3) Drink 8 cups of water a day AT LEAST

4) Exercise twice

I am setting the bar pretty high for myself.  This may not seem like a lot to you, but for me…  miss willy nilly, fly by the seat of my pants, it’s a lot to commit to.  Here’s to knocking them all off the list

Now if I could just find a match to light that fire under me….

I am pleased to say that last weeks goal was met. I planned my meals last week Breakfast through dinner, and followed the plan. (mostly) What a challenging week last week was. Hopefully this week will be much happier.

Ingredients

Instructions

Chop cooked chicken into bite size pieces.  Boil or sautee chicken until fully cooked.   Heat oil in skillet and sautee chopped onion.  Combine cooked chicken and onion and put into a pot with the remaining ingredients. cook on medium until heated through.

To reduce spiciness use a milder rotel.  or use less of it.

All Tuckered Out

Originally uploaded by jackiblu

Man. I am tired today. This has been a helluva week.

I woke up this morning weighing 208.4 up a half pound since yesterday. I stayed within my points last night but I didn’t drink a ton of water with the ton of sodium I ingested. That’s my story. I’m sticking to it.

My friends wake is Sunday and the funeral is Monday. It looks like my weekend is going to be busy.

~Tonight we have a B-day celebration to attend. Happy Birthday J!!
~Tomorrow oldest DD is trying to sneak away on a ski trip in the mountains. (I haven’t decided whether I am going to let her or not) and we have a friend who wants us to meet him for some nascar celebration thingy. ( I obviously don’t keep up with the circle racing)
~Sunday and Monday will be long and sad days remembering our friend and dealing with his loss.

I am also oncall for work this weekend but I am crossing my fingers toes and bra straps and hopefully the pager is nice to me so I don’t have to spend any time at the office.

I know I am rambling but like I said before I am tired.

last nights dinner was white bean chicken chili and a no pudge brownie. Yummy!

I can’t begin to imagine how his wife and kids feel. How his Dad feels. I never did get the gumption to call his wife yesterday. I had steven leave a message for her with our contact numbers. I figured we will let her come to us. I don’t want to pester her and I am sure she is surrounded by her support system and just trying to get her and her family through the day.

I imagine that there is a lot of mundane and necessary things to sort through in an instance like this on top of trying to deal with your grief.

I just wish there was something concrete I could do so I can stop obsessing. Busy hands and all…. you know the saying.