Posted by: DiffidentDevotion | October 28, 2009

feeling pretty extrinsic

ex⋅trin⋅sic[ik-strin-sik, -zik]


1. not essential or inherent; not a basic part or quality; extraneous: facts that are extrinsic to the matter under discussion.
2. being outside a thing; outward or external; operating or coming from without: extrinsic influences.


A lot has happened since I posted last. 

1)  I have gained all of my weight back

2) I had a minor nervous breakdown that landed me in an outpatient psychiatric program.  (They basically  had to teach me how to like myself)

3) I lost my job.  Both of them.


I feel like most of what validated me before has changed.  I was recently (October 2nd) layed off.  My company reduced their force by 8000 and I was one of the lucky losers in the lottery.  I was working on my tenth year.   I am having trouble finding work making anything close to what I was.  Mainly because I do not have a college degree.  This definitely has a negative effect on my mental state.  I am feeling pretty worthless.  I am beating myself up again and stressing about the little things like the Mortgage!  🙂  When I had my job I felt like I contributed.  Like I was essential.  Now I’m feeling at loose ends.  Lets be honest here.  I am feeling like a failure.  Like I can’t provide for my family, and I wont even get into my appearance!  How do you stay at home moms and wives stay motivated??  I have trouble pulling myself out of bed these days! 

Enough whining for tonight.  I couldn’t sleep and decided once again that I need to get my weight and life under control.  Dont you just love those middle of the night epiphanies??  I promise tomorrow I wont be so winded and I will be more sunshiney.


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